half-alive

ohh..

2006-12-03T02:34:00.000-08:00

Uhmm.. update ko lang muna ung blog ko ng buhay ko..

First bLooD..

haha.. alam na ng magulang ko ung chem ko.. haha.. nR sila.. wada!?!? haha.. masea nman eh.. haha..

Second..

uhmm.. pumasa ako sa aud..~.~ yeah.. O.o haha.. it was cool.. for a moment.. haha.. parang gus2 ko na kasi magbak awt eh.. madaming gus2 ng slot ko.. haha.. mas deserving sila.. d lang nila ginalingan nung aud.. tsktsk.. haha.. uhmm.. bahala na ung katawan ko kung i22loy ko pa haha.. ansea eh.. "this must be Pop!.." haha.. ang gulo lang tlga ng utak ko ngaun.. haha.. parang feel ko d ko kaya.. ayy.. kaya ko pala.. kasu maxado na aqng madaming activities haha.. "dont be so quick to.. walk away.." haha.. masaya at masarap sumayaw.. kasu baka maprioritize ko xa.. kinakbahan aq.. haha.. tska ang late ng practice.. 5 pm.. haha.. ung aud nga pala.. para sa mga sasali sa contest sa january 13.. haha.. cooL.. mag preprecent na aq sa sm ng hinde nakakahiya.. yeah.. kaxu mahabang preperation eh.. haha.. see how confused i am.. well nvermind.. iLL just celebrate what I have now.. and think of it.. maybe.. tomorrow.. or the nextday.. or nevermind.. haha..

Third..

DEBATE..

haha.. grabe.. kinakabahan na aq.. haha.. tomorrow mei debate kami against the debate team of quesci.. well haha.. bahala na haha.. baka gayahin ko na lang ung pagsasalita ng dX.. haha.. degeneration X.. haha..

Fourth..

Haha.. paalam sa mahabang buhok.. tsktsk.. haha...

Fifth and Sixth..

Sorry sa pagiging moody ko.. pagaling ka ha.. haha iisang tao lang yan..

chem

2006-11-15T03:30:00.000-08:00

Yeah..
now..
can you see..
the life I never wanted to have..
the life that was unfair..
Look at me dying..
Chemistry is hell..
79 was a killer..
And I was a victim..
Farewell..

I'll enjoy the least I have now..
and keep the most enjoyable..
MEMORIES..

nonchalant

2006-11-14T04:41:00.000-08:00

Hell..
I just can't find a way how to end this pain..
Knowing that, that day is slowly approaching..
The happiness I felt for a moment..
Just turned into a sudden grief..
It turned out too bad for me..
I thought I can live one more day..
I thought I can continue being nonchalant..
Yes I did became nonchalant..
I never wanted you to know how bad i feel..
I blinded your eyes from my true feelings..
and now I suffer..
I can't withstand the pain I feel right now..
I can't help it..
I never wanted you to know..
But I think..
This could be the best drug to forget where I am now..
I hope writing in this post could help me recover a bit..
This was my last resort..
If I insisted and kept the pain inside me..
I could die..
I wanted to help myself..
I wanted to relief myself..
Sorry if this will disturb the peace of mind you have now..
If it will..
Sorry again..
But I guess..
It's better for me.. nahhh..
It's better for us..
If I could make myself ready for the Saturday outcome..
You know what it is..
Now I can go back to sleep..
And dream.. with a broken heart..

come on!

2006-11-10T03:17:00.000-08:00

Okei.. first.. I just wanna say thank you to her.. yeah.. again.. I'll never get tired of saying those words to you.. You were there when I was weak.. You are the reason why I tried my best to hope on.. And now with those tiny meaningful words.. You just gave me the reason why do I have to continue living..

Let me love you.. For in loving you.. I see a new life.. thankyou..

Now,, for the sad part of the story.. mehn.. this day started out fine,, until all of a sudden.. argh.. okei.. so today was the day of our off-campus for research.. yeah.. it was fun.. 3 hrs in University of the Philippines.. and the rest of the day.. haha.. as usual.. the day was fun all through out.. not until 3pm.. my mom txtd me.. she was asking why was my adviser angry to me... honestly.. my adviser didn't talk to me about the matter,, he did confront my mom without saying anything to me.. uhh.. by the way.. my mom had the chance to talk to my adviser because she was fixing the admission papers of my sister.. okei so back.. the smiles began to turn into frown.. and its all because of that delib thing.. remember the content of my previous post.. where i had been put in the hot seat.. maybe it is the reason why my adviser treats me as the shame of einstein-III.. ohh.. and finally my temper loosed out.. good thing my friends asked me to play bball.. it helped me recover my patience.. tee hee.. so after a long day of mood swings.. I decided to go home and face my mother.. ahh yeah.. my mother.. no comment at all.. and after a no reaction conversation.. I was enlightened by.. yeah.. I had a reason to smile once again when I saw it.. thanks again.. okei.. so I thought it was over.. I never expected that my father will give me the biggest headache for me this day.. he asked me the same question my mom asked.. I thought it will be over in a simple conversation.. nahh.. he left a threat.. yeah a threat.. "kapag naawt ka sa kisay,, kapwa tawad na lang tayo.." damn.. as if he knows everything that was happening to scientian community.. I hate it.. his words was so overpowering.. and I have nothin to do with it for now.. I'll stay quiet until nov. 18.. just as you've said..

Im tired. :(

Well excuse me while I get killed softly,
Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay
At least 'til yesterday,
You know you got me off my highest guard,
Believe me when I say it's hard.
We'll get through this tonight
And I know one day you and I will be free

gravity

2006-11-08T15:59:00.000-08:00

Aww.. It's me again, It has been too long since the last post that I've used the English language.. So what's new.. Why all of a sudden I am flooding by blog once again by senseless sentimental posts.. Not that I'm not happy to what happened to our presentation yesterday, actually we won 2nd place.. It's one hell of an experience.. Presenting in front of public -- as in "public" in the most humiliating way.. Ohh, the ol'fashioned folk dance.. It sucks! Well I did enjoy it a bit.. I have met new friends on the road.. tee hee.. the dancers themselves made it enjoyable in a way..

So after the fun and humiliation.. We got ourselves back in Quesci.. With every people concerned to what happened to our presentation.. behind their curious faces lies a worry of being out of the school the next school year.. how funny.. on my way back to school.. my friends told me everything our adviser told them the last time out.. yeah.. it was the deliberation day.. They told me that our adviser was so proud of me.. that my name was the most prominent.. and was the talk of the town in the conference hall.. cool isn't it.. well it didn't affect me that much that moment.. thinking that I was to hot to be the talk of the town is a reason to chin up and face the teachers and wave 'em hello.. its me.. Yeah! it was for a moment.. Oohh.. i forgot to mention.. I was so tired due to the presentation.. So I decided to go home early.. on my way to the station.. I met my best friend Bea we have the same route in going home.. and of course.. I am so proud that I've been the talk of the town so I shared it to her.. we both laughed for I know that she knows my attitude in a typical boring class.. only to know that in that conversation she has a confession.. whew.. Fleming 3 S.Y. 06-07 will be out except for one due to Physics.. damn.. if the new ruling by DepEd will be implemented batch 08 will be down to 40% of the total students this year.. knowing that I am also in danger in my Chemistry.. I got affected by her confession.. Not only it's them who had problems in Physics.. Even the higher sections had this problem of not studying in kisay the next school year.. What's happening.. Quesci was trying to get back its reputation of being a prestige school for intelligent students while we, the students of xientia are trying our best to adapt to what they've wanted.. WE SUFFER!.. Bea and I was reminiscing of the old days of kisay.. We tried our best to stay in Scientia for almost 3 years.. for a desire of having a diploma in hand, and now all of us were losing hope.. We don't know why or how did it happen.. Our hard works did not pay off.. We just can't find a way to survive their non-sense system.. beyond that conversation.. I was thinking for my own good..

My Scientian fate was not on my side.. all I've wanted to happen.. all I've hoped for.. began to vanish for a moment.. I just can't feel it anymore.. the once super active kyaw.. began to shrink into a weak pessimistic kyaw.. not only because of the fact that I am one of the scientians who are in danger.. but also because of her.. I know that we are different.. I know that she knows it.. I see her totally different from the way she looks at me.. And I can't do a thing.. but hope.. that someday.. somehow.. it will be parallel.. but to see it from my side now.. I feel so helpless again.. We had this conversation last night and I know.. I'm getting rude.. I just can't accept her words.. Sorry.. I feel so weak last night.. All I see was the negative things.. the shadow of mine hiding began to show last night.. my second self.. I know it sounds absurd.. yet it's true.. I was totally different last night.. and she knows it.. damn.. I only wish for one thing.. that the ruling by em will not be implemented.. I'm not yet ready to let go.. and receive more pain.. She told me not to give up.. for I can still go on and end up as a winner.. Yeah.. I know I can still fight for it but the question.. Until when? I could fight for you forever.. if only my fate was not that rude.. I am so weak to understand.. Don't think that I'm not hearing your voice when I'm opposing your side.. It's my way of telling you I'm listening.. the truth is.. I love it.. you encouraging me.. it doesn't matter if you don't have the right words or actions.. I must be so thankful because you are there to listen.. Sorry.. I know you feel so helpless.. but it do help.. little by little.. I will get back to my own.. and it will be because of you.. my love for you will never hold back.. you will remain as my lilsiz.. and will still be one of the sweetest pieces of my heart.. I will go on as you've said.. carrying that bleeding.. that will stop right? I'll end it up with these three words and finally I'll smile..

I LOVE YOU!

s-o-r-r-y

2006-11-06T13:10:00.000-08:00

I'm takin out my pride once again,

now hear me as I say,

Sorry:(

I love You.

shemm

2006-11-06T04:52:00.000-08:00

waw. ang blis ng orasss.. haha.. tpos na kagad un sembreak.. haha.. well aux lang ung sembreak.. matino in a way.. masea ata magbakasyon ng d nakikita ang magulang mo haha.. walang maguutos walang kahit na ano.. mei sarili kang buhay.. kasu.. haha.. nabigyan ako ng responsibility.. haha.. pinagalaga ako ng bata.. waw ha.. pahirapan.. ang kulit grabe.. coleen, 5 yrs. old.. grabe ang kakulitan.. haha.. kala ko masosolo ko ang bahay haha.. biglang mei iniwang bata si ninang.. patay!.. haha.. anhrap.. pero kinaya ko nman.. haha.. dpat lang.. kinaya ko na lang.. haha.. pero nahirapan tlga ako.. ang hrap.. haha.. d tlga ako sanaay magkaroon ng responsibilidad haha.. aun pero masea xa kasama.. haha.. kasu mas gus2 ko xa ang kasama ko hahaha.. d nea nga kasing kulit or kasing sweet.. mas masea pa ren kasama un haha.. aun so nagpapataba ako dun.. kasu sawi.. walang nangyari haha.. pero nawiuli ako.. ansea dun haha.. pag mei free time ako .. dun na lang ako uuwi.. haha.. ansea eh.. kala mo wala ng bukas.. sooper puyat.. super txt.. super ps.. wala nga lang pc.. haha.. pero sa baghay ikaw ba nman mabuhay sa tabi ng pc araw araw eh.. d ka pa ba magsasawa.. haha.. dpat nga d aq magpopost ngaun eh.. mei nagparinig lang eh.. sabii nea d daw ako nagpopost.. haha.. well.. sabi ko nga d ba.. minsan lang aq sipagin.. at minsan lang ako nagkakaroon ng tym.. haha.. aun.. so pagkatapos ng sembreak.. pasok ng oct.30 at 31.. nag away kami ni dad nung 30 kaya nung 31 umuwi ako sa alabang haha.. at dun na nagsaya.. ansea.. haha.. tpos nov.1 walang pasok.. edi mas masea haha.. 31 nga pala ung bday ng utol ko haha.. nag celeb cla d2.. habang ako nagpapakasaya sa kablang ibayo.. haha.. ansea tlga dun.. haha.. kea nga bumalik ako nung sat eh.. haha.. dun na lang ung bahay ko.. haha.. so aun pagbalik ko sa skul nung friday.. nag anawnss si sir bocato.. aun.. madami daw 7.. haha.. at narealize ko.. isa ako dun,.. so.. xempre.. semi-guho ang mundo.. haha.. at least mei isang natatanging sumuporta sakin.. haha..kahit nag sororyy xa kasi daw d daw binabara nya daw aq.. aux lang.. haha.. at least nandun xa.. not with the right words not with the right action yet it made me feel better tanx.. :) at ngaun.. masea.. kasi mei new hope.. haha.. tenkyu lord.. :) yeah.. nagpapakarehiliyoso ako.. kasi sa kanya ako humingi ng tulong eh.. aktwally wala akong kausap ngaun eh.. kaya nagkaroon ako ng time.. hmph.. pinag palit ako sa youtube eh.. ayaw ng multi taskin.. haha.. ang bagal ko nga pala magtyp.. namamaga pa ung finger ko eh.. nabali kasi sa bbol nung pridei eh.. haha.. mei sakit na naman pala ako haha.. at mei isang nakakatuwang contest na sinalihan ng indak.. haha.. folkdance nga lang.. d bali.. sandali na lang.. at magkakaroon den ng modern haha.. gudluck satin sa 3rd qtr.. at sana.. makabawi ang mga nangangamba.. haha.. well.. ill cut it na.. haha.. sleepy nah.. haha.. so dont give away my love.. haha :P

Disappear

2006-10-13T16:21:00.000-07:00

hayy... sarap tlga magising ng maaga.. tpos haharap ka sa pc.. sagarin ang bandwidth ng dsl.. tpos harapin ang profyl.. magisip-isip, tumulala, magpalipas oras.. dpat pupunta ako sa kisay.. kasu sama ng pakiramdam ko.. tinablan ako ng sakit.. woah.. haha.. test ng siz ko sa pisay ngeon,, 1st screening.. sana pumasa.. haha.. kahit nilalagnat xa.. ahaha.. aun.. eto.. tunganga na nman.. dinadama bawat kantang dumadaan sa aking mga tenga.. masaya tlga ang umaga.. madilim.. malamig.. tahimik.. walang nakakakita.. walang pumapansin.. walang nangangailam.. unang post ko to sa blog na to na nagkekwento ng walang kwentang buhay ko.. masaya ang umaga.. walang problema.. haha.. malapit na pala ang fair sa tone.. malapit na ren ang periodical.. nangangayaw na ako sa chemistry.. bakit pa kasi nabuhay ang mga taong matatalino.. papasadiyos ko na naman ung mga grades ko.. wahaha! aba.. indi ako nag english.. xemay.. haha.. d bagay sa skin.. pero alang magagawa.. nakakatamad nman tlga ehhh.. d ko nga alam kung dumaan sa utak ko tong mga sinasabi ko ngaun eh,, parang wala lang.. lutang.. tuliro.. kahit masaya.. lutang pa ren.. haha.. mei bago na akong papel.. sana makayanan ko.. hindi ko pa nararanasan maging kuya ng matino.. cguro.. pipilitin ko na lang.. para sayo, o di ba.. ayun.. haha.. d yan drama.. tumatawa nga ako eh.. behh... d ko nga alam kung tanggap ko na eh.. medyo alangan kasi eh.. pero dahil masaya kanaakonaren.. mag papakamanhid na lang muna ako.. Nonchalant i Am.. I'll keep you in my dreams.. haha.. woah.. natulala ako.. nacarried away sa kanta.. haha.. full blast headset.. hala.. may araw na.. ang blis.. parang kanina lang.. 4:00am gumicing ako.. tpos ngaun 7:45 na kagad.. ang blis.. haha.. nakatulog nga pala ako kagabi ng maaga.. sa sobrang inis na den cguro.. haha.. pero ngaun asa pa clang magagalaw nila mga files ko.. HAHAHA! >:).. haha.. may mga taong masaya ngaun.. kasama na ren cguro ako dun.. kahit napakababaw ng dahilan.. na parang pag gumabi na malungkot na naman.. haha.. ehh.. ganun eh.. d naman ako nauunawan ng tao sa dilim eh.. anino nga d ba.. kung nakikita mo lang tlga ako.. kung masasabi mo lang tlga ang pangalan ko.. cguro nga invisible ako.. pero.. vulnerable ako.. haha.. you just cant hear me.. see me.. feel me.. well cguro nga nagtatago ako.. na sa bawat salitang binibitawan mo d na ako nagsasalita pa.. nonchalant nga cguro.. pero ako pa ren to.. hindi na ako magbabago.. And I was trying to disappear.. but you got me wrapped around you.. I can't hardly breath without you..
aun iniintay ang alas nuwebe haha.. nangangarap na magkita ang ating mga diwa..
Nonchalant
Save me tonight.
mahal na nga kita...

I wont regret.

2006-10-07T18:37:00.000-07:00

With every appearance by you, blinding my eyes,
I can hardly remember the last time I felt like I do.
You're an angel disguised.

And you're lying real still,
but your heart beat is fast just like mine.
And the movie's long over,
that's three that have passed, one more's fine.

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

I'm trying real hard not to shake. I'm biting my tongue,
but I'm feeling alive and with every breathe that I take,
I feel like I've won. You're my key to survival.

And if it's a hero you want,
I can save you. Just stay here.
Your whispers are priceless.
Your breathe, it is dear. So please stay near.

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

Say my name. I just want to hear you.
Say my name. So I know it's true.
You're changing me. You're changing me.
You showed me how to live.
So just say. So just say,

That you'll stay awake for me.
I don't wanna miss anything.
I don't wanna miss anything.
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything

ayun so mejo okei na cguro tong blog ko.. finishing touches na lang.. uhmm aun so 5:30 am ko xa cnimulan ntpos ako ng 9:40 am.. gutom na ako d pa ako nag aalmusal.. haha..
Cmba pa nga pala ako mamaya..

Nonchalant.

Stay Awake for Me.

Hardhat

2006-10-06T22:53:00.000-07:00

just moved in.. under construction phase..